a fresh breath

i don't give up on you, blog.

i keep so much inside my head. and there's so much i really should at least put in to words so i don't explode. anyway, when i have meaningful (meaningful to me) things to say, and i'm not sure who to tell, i shall put them down on here.

i was thinking the other day (in a third person view), about this boy i guess you could say i'm "interested in" and i imagined him wrapping his arms around me. and immediately my thought went to "you haven't earned that". which then led to a big mind discussion with myself about whether or not love can be earned. which led to a big text discussion with a dear friend about whether or not love can be earned.

most love is unconditional, yes. but some has to be proved, i think. not that i wish to prove to this guy that i deserve to be in love with him. nothing like that. i'm incredibly awful at putting this into words. it's not that we need to prove to someone that we deserved to be loved by them, it has nothing to do with the person. i guess i mean, in life. like in life i haven't done anything to earn being in love. not that i don't deserve it. i think this entire thought process is simply because i am not ready to be in love. i hardly have any desire for it, anyhow.

my thoughts on love and relationship are too much to discuss.

you poor blog

i practically give up on you already, no one wants to know you.